Our hero endures a sonic assault, January 1, 2012
1:30PM
Today marks the first day of my holiday month, in which I will be celebrating an entire year’s worth of holidays. What better way to start than with New Year’s Day…a day full of hangovers and regrets about New Year’s Eve and the previous year. Hooray!
New Year’s Day is the first day of the Gregorian calendar, which, in my opinion, blows compared to my Far Side calendar…there’s hardly any jokes in it!
The celebration associated with it dates back to Roman and Pagan traditions. The Romans dedicated January 1st to Janus, who was the god of gates, doors, and beginnings (thanks, Wikipedia). The idea that January 1st is a time of new beginnings has led to countless resolutions, most of which are broken by the end of the month. So make sure to get the most out of that gym membership, ladies and gents, because after January 31st, more likely than not, your membership fee will turn into nothing more than a fat tax.
The celebration associated with it dates back to Roman and Pagan traditions. The Romans dedicated January 1st to Janus, who was the god of gates, doors, and beginnings (thanks, Wikipedia). The idea that January 1st is a time of new beginnings has led to countless resolutions, most of which are broken by the end of the month. So make sure to get the most out of that gym membership, ladies and gents, because after January 31st, more likely than not, your membership fee will turn into nothing more than a fat tax.
I’ve never been one to make resolutions. I feel like if you want to make a change in your life, why pick an arbitrary date like January 1st? Why not do it right away? Are we so OCD as a society that we have to make our lives better with easily quantifiable timelines?
“I haven’t smoked since January 1st. It’s March 1st now, which means I haven’t smoked in two months.”
“I haven’t smoked since January 17th…shit, I’m going to have to do math…”
That being said, in the spirit of celebrating a holiday each day, I have decided to make a resolution. It stems from what I see as my biggest character flaw (my biggest physical flaw would be that it looks like I ate myself). I am not a patient person…at all. I am constantly rolling my eyes about something annoying or aggravating. I can’t bite back on a snarky comment if something stupid happens around me. If incredulity had a face, it would look remarkably similar to mine. Doctors may have a lot of patients, but I definitely don’t (wow, maybe I should give up puns instead…)
So my resolution this year is to be more patient, and so far it has been going well. I think that my fool proof hangover cure has something to do with this (a cold beer in a hot shower, followed by Alka-Seltzer dropped in Gatorade), but I’m also going to attribute some of it to the fact that my snarkiness and lack of patience have got to take a hike. At the very least, I need to learn to hide them better.
However, the real test will be when I have to brave the parking lot at Wal-Mart. Or talk to someone who says “subposeubly.” Or sit in a car with people who sing the wrong words to the songs on the radio. Or accidentally turn the TV to Fox News…
Yikes, it’s going to be a long year.
Tonight, I am going to be making a traditional New Years dinner. Check back later to see how it comes out. But for now, here's a New Years message from ABBA...
7:10pm
Just finished my first traditional New Years dinner. I tried to stick to the Southern style of the meal, with a few variations to hit other regions as well.
The menu consisted of:
Black eyed peas, which represent coins and are meant to bring you fortune throughout the year
Collard greens, which represent folding money and like the black eyed peas are meant to bring good fortune and wealth
Pork chops and applesauce, which according to German legend will bring good luck through the year if eaten on January 1st
Sauerkraut, which is meant to keep one humble and to bring good luck all year as well
Collard greens, which represent folding money and like the black eyed peas are meant to bring good fortune and wealth
Pork chops and applesauce, which according to German legend will bring good luck through the year if eaten on January 1st
Sauerkraut, which is meant to keep one humble and to bring good luck all year as well
Who knows if any of this will work (all it’s done so far is make my clothes smell like I just walked out of some sort of Bavarian brew haus), but I’ll cross my fingers.
As I was cleaning the dishes after dinner, I started thinking about what New Years is really all about. It’s full of possibilities and full of chances to improve ourselves. These chances are available all year long, but there’s something about New Years Day that wipes the slate clean. There’s something about today that allows us to go for broke and hope for the best, not only for ourselves but for those that we care about.
So it doesn’t matter if none of our resolutions come true. It doesn’t matter if 2012 ends up being worse than 2011. Because right now, each and every one of us has the opportunity to make 2012 the best year of our lives. I’ll raise my glass to making that happen.
Cheers, and Happy New Year!
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